1. Why I can't trust you?
You told me that's your past. It's not your past when I'm involved. Your past is your ex girlfriends before you met me. I don't care if those were before we're married but we're in a relationship. We supposed to built trust but you engaged to me for 1 year and still building up an empire. Bravo.
You think I forgot already but no, it's still clear and vivid what you did to me. Up until this moment, it sometimes flashed in my mind and I hate it. I can't control it. And I wonder, if I don't struggle and helped you, you would leave me all fucked up like all other girls you left.
What do you expect? You cheated on me for 2 fucking years up until we are married. Very smooth I tell you. Not one or two girls you cheated on me. You were desperately looking around for girls to satisfy your need. You said I don't have time for you because I'm a doctor, well one of your side girl was a doctor too. Fuck.
You told me that's your past. It's not your past when I'm involved. Your past is your ex girlfriends before you met me. I don't care if those were before we're married but we're in a relationship. We supposed to built trust but you engaged to me for 1 year and still building up an empire. Bravo.
You think I forgot already but no, it's still clear and vivid what you did to me. Up until this moment, it sometimes flashed in my mind and I hate it. I can't control it. And I wonder, if I don't struggle and helped you, you would leave me all fucked up like all other girls you left.
2. My trust level?
Not even 20%. Because when I was building up my trust on you, it came crumbling further down again. That's when I decide that I wont put my trust on you. That it's okay to have doubt. Because woman instinct often a spot on. You said "Demi Allah" but it's all a lie.
You said you don't text her anymore but secretly you chat with her in another chat app, only to chat with her and then you delete it. BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW OR ELSE WE'LL HAVE A FIGHT. If there's nothing going on between you two, why would you hide it from me? but fine, I will act dumb like kayu if you don't want us to fight. Okay?
3. Do I love you?
I do love you. More than I trust you. But what is love without trust? Then that's how you shaped me. To love without trust. That's why I'm insecure. If I don't love you I don't care what you did, where you go, whom you chat with.
Not even 20%. Because when I was building up my trust on you, it came crumbling further down again. That's when I decide that I wont put my trust on you. That it's okay to have doubt. Because woman instinct often a spot on. You said "Demi Allah" but it's all a lie.
You said you don't text her anymore but secretly you chat with her in another chat app, only to chat with her and then you delete it. BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW OR ELSE WE'LL HAVE A FIGHT. If there's nothing going on between you two, why would you hide it from me? but fine, I will act dumb like kayu if you don't want us to fight. Okay?
3. Do I love you?
I do love you. More than I trust you. But what is love without trust? Then that's how you shaped me. To love without trust. That's why I'm insecure. If I don't love you I don't care what you did, where you go, whom you chat with.
“Caring for somebody, i thought that was love.
But it’s not that simple.
I still care for him.
But..
I hate him to death”
4. Am I happy with you?
To be honest, I don't know. I don't know anymore. With all the insecurities, I'm don't think I'm happy. I'm sorry.
If I can get a wish granted, I would wish for the day I found out you cheated on me is 1 year earlier, not 6 days before we're married. And not after we're married. That's what I want the most.
This is how you shaped me, husband. What did I do to deserve all of this?
To be honest, I don't know. I don't know anymore. With all the insecurities, I'm don't think I'm happy. I'm sorry.
If I can get a wish granted, I would wish for the day I found out you cheated on me is 1 year earlier, not 6 days before we're married. And not after we're married. That's what I want the most.
This is how you shaped me, husband. What did I do to deserve all of this?
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